Work out what you want!
Welcome back to my blog everyone. I hope that you are living a truly expansive life, wherever you are in the world and at whatever stage of your journey. Today I’m going to give you some very tangible advice, that you can start practicing right now, on how to avoid a mid-life crisis.
This is something that I teach all of my coaching clients, and I’m giving it to you here for free!
What I find with a lot of my clients, who find themselves in crisis once they reach middle-age, is a realisation that they have spent the last twenty-something years working to obtain all of the things that other people/society tells them they should want!
They get there and they realise: “This isn’t MY story!”
Now, because we are never given the training to make that cognitive connection; many of us freak out! We start thinking about buying that motorcycle, that maybe we should have an affair, quit our job and move to France, or any number of radical departures from the life we’ve been living.
That makes sense. The shock to the system, that you essentially wake up in someone else’s ideal life, can produce an equal and opposite reaction.
All this is though, really, is us getting to the point where we can not lie to ourselves anymore!
As I’ve said before (and will continue to say ad nauseam): the mind doesn’t lie to itself! It can’t. It just goes on the facts that it’s been given, but at some point; the illusion falls away, the mind realises the disconnect and goes into overdrive!
What we probably don’t realise in this moment is, again; simply reacting against the life you have been living on someone else’s terms, is not necessarily living the life that you want!
It is called a ‘crisis’ for a reason, after all. You’re in panic mode, on a war footing with your decisions in life and are therefore just liable to make more poor decisions for yourself.
So how to avoid a mid-life crisis then?
What steps can you start taking now, preemptively, to ensure that the day never comes where you have such a violent reaction against the life that you’re building for yourself?
You have to get clear about what you desire, if you want to avoid a mid-life crisis!
So here’s an exercise that I use with my coaching clients, that will help you to identify what that is. It may sound simple: ‘what do you want in life?” But finding the true answer, amidst the maze of rewiring that social conditioning has caused in your brain, really ain’t!
Now when I do this exercise with my coaching clients, we delve into much more detail. This is just the nuts and bolts, so that you can start waking yourself up and making steps towards where you really want to be.
What I want you do to is, firstly, write down an answer to the following question:
If you could fit your life into only five boxes, what would those boxes be?
Is it relationship? Family? Career? Wealth? Travel? Sex? Music? Take your time, as much time as you need (we are talking about your life after all) and really distil it down to five things.
You might think of this as a bucket list, but really this isn’t so much a case of checking something off before you die. This is about the priorities that govern your decision making in life. We all have five!
So once you’ve identified what yours are, all you do is ask yourself: what do each of them look like, in perfection? I mean if they were in your life right now, in the most perfect form possible; what would they look like?
Figure that out and write it down for each one.
Once you’ve done that, have an honest conversation with your self about where, on a scale of 1-10, you are right now in each of those five areas. You might find yourself shocked at some of the score you end up giving them.
When you have this, you have a picture of where you’re at. You can then start to focus on the emotions associated with each of those five areas/boxes, that will come as a payoff of you realising their full potential (i.e. being able to give them a perfect 10).
This will give you a map of what you want your life to look like, a blueprint that you can start to follow that is based on an accurate picture of what you want your life to look like.
But what you really want your life to look like.
There will be other stuff that’s still important, but falls outside the five boxes only making it to 6 or 7 on the list. That’s ok. Just focus on the core stuff and start to set your intentions, throughout your day, on improving them in some way.
Check in with yourself when you wake up, periodically throughout your day and before you go to sleep. Ask; what’s going on with them? Am I in alignment with what I want to feel in my life? What in my environment is supporting this, and what isn’t?
There are always going to be other things going on, that we have to think about, but if you can just focus on five, you’re starting to build the foundations.
As you build them up, celebrate!
Anchor in the feeling of achievement you get, as you take each of your five categories through the steps to a perfect 10.
There is a very good reason for this: you will start to build a method for, and a habit of, success.
Heck: if five seems like too much right now, start with one! I’m all about taking baby-steps over giant leaps. That’s how real progress is made!
Focus on whatever you can and see just how good you are at cultivating it. You’ll build confidence in your methods and, just naturally; you’ll start to see ways open up to you, that you can improve one or more of the other five boxes.
This is how to ultimately avoid a mid-life crisis – by identifying your core values, cultivating them, and to keep checking in with yourself and where you are at.
If you are being true to the emotional blueprint, that you set out for yourself; then there can never come a day of reckoning, where the panic sets in.
Now as I say: this is the bare-bones version of this exercise. There is a lot more to be done around diving deep into your subconscious, routing out all of the limiting beliefs and retraining it to work with you in your endeavours.
For more on this, please check out my best-selling book Stepping Beyond Intention or my motivational manual The Dreamer’s Manifesto.
I also produce regular Do It With Dan blogs, podcasts and videos. All of these are here to serve you and make you part of the journey as well.
For more guidance on how to change your internal programming, to attract greater abundance and experience greater freedom: please click on the link below for free access to my…
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