You’re giving the keys to your life to the people/things you hate!
Hello, greetings, welcome!!
It’s time for a bit of weekend “bloggage” (if that’s even a word) and this time it’s on the very important point of not giving your power away, to the people, places, situations and things that you profess to hate the most, through blame.
Yeah ok that’s a mouthful, but we’re going to unpack it.
I’ve spoken on this topic before in various places, but it deserves its own blog because it really is one of the (if not the) most common ways I see people failing to realise their dreams!
It seems written into our societal DNA these days, that figures must always be pointed in every scenario. Maybe that’s because of corporatisation run amuck, the strangle hold of insurance companies or the 24 hour news cycle and social media. Probably it’s all of that and more, but the point is: we don’t like to be at fault for anything.
Now I get it: when you realise ‘you done f**ked up’ the immediate sinking feeling, tightening of your chest and runaway panic (especially if a lot was riding on said f**k up) is unpleasant to say the least. It’s natural not to want to feel that way. The trouble is that we have allowed this to be magnified on a collective scale, that has translated to a culture of blame!
Politicians, heads of companies, “the rich” (whoever they are): we love to point the finger and say “it’s all their fault.”
Now a quick aside or ‘Dan-gent’ (if you will): there is an enormous, implied arrogance with thinking like that. Think about it for a second. What you’re really saying with that kind of ‘hand-waved’ judgement (if we take it to it’s logical conclusion) is that you wouldn’t have made the same mistake. That’s a remarkably convenient position to take, but it’s very easy because it’s all predicated on the idea that (through no fault of your own) you have had the power stripped from you.
We can’t give away partial power like that and retain the bits we want, it doesn’t work like that. We have to accept full responsibility for our lives in totality, in order to reclaim our power to create our lives going forward.
Let’s do a quick, crude thought experiment for a second.
I want you to imagine that the life you want is inside a safe. This safe requires a thumbprint to open and that thumbprint is not your literal thumbprint, but a representation of who you are. What we’re doing when we blame others is asking them for their thumbprint. Do you really want to give Donald Trump the keys to your happiness and future life? Heck, even if you voted for the guy, I’m pretty sure your answer is still ‘hell no!’
This sounds extreme, fatuous and probably ridiculous…but yet I see it going on all the time!
I know what your really saying (in so far as your conscious engagement with the thought process goes) is that you don’t want the responsibility, but that’s tough! Everything you have in your life right now, everything, is there because, on some level of consciousness, you have chosen for it to be there.
I know that’s hard to accept, impossible even (for some) but it is vital if you’re going to go out there and create more for yourself. It’s hard to take it on the chin that something in your life hasn’t happened because you failed at it. That your dreams aren’t coming true because you just aren’t in alignment with them. The point is though that you can be! But it starts with knowing and accepting where you are right now, before you can build a better way to more forward.
You wouldn’t plan a journey blindfolded, having been thrown out of a panel van after eight hours tied up in the back with nothing but the destination, would you? No! You need to know where you are in order to successfully plan where you’re gong (again: extreme, fatuous and definitely ridiculous, but you get my point).
We have spent a lifetime, all of us, building up a story about the world we live in and what we have to accept about it, in order to live our lives. We build narratives around aspects of our identity, where we grew up, how many parents we had; all of which lock us in these stupid little boxes that just limit our potential!
The stupid thing is that nobody is keeping us in these boxes, but ourselves!
“Yeah but it’s hard for me, I don’t have X and I can’t do Y! COVID has shut my business down and I can’t sell my services any more.”
At no point are we such a slave to our circumstances that we can’t break out of them. I get that it’s hard. I am by no means dismissively saying that any of this is easy, or that you’re just pretending that it’s too hard. Not at all! And while we’re here – Dangent number 2: Pretending that everything is ok can have just as much of a detrimental impact on your ability to create!
I am not talking about pretending that everything is ok, in order to fool yourself into bypassing the blame game. I am talking about choosing a life where everything is ok, and there’s an important difference. Please think about it as you go into your weekend and jot me a comment down below with your take on what that difference is. I’d love to know.
Thank you so much for reading this blog, from the bottom of my heart! If you enjoyed it, I produce regular Do It With Dan blogs, podcasts and videos. I have three books published now: Stepping Beyond Intention, The Dreamer’s Manifesto and From Time-to-Time (a really great book on time mastery). All of these are here to serve you and make you part of the journey as well.
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