From Mindfulness to Micro Shifting: Tools to Help You Live Abundantly with Asperger’s
Whether you’re in the early stages of diagnosis, have lived with Asperger’s for years, or care for someone with Asperger’s – my heart goes out to you. The road ahead will feel uncertain, and if it’s one thing I know for sure, it’s this: wherever you are on your journey, it’s not easy. But you can still live abundantly with Aspergers!
As someone diagnosed with Asperger’s later on in life, it was my own personal difficulties that pushed me to the brink. At just twenty-seven years old, I found myself wanting it end it all. Yet ultimately, it was because of that breaking point that I am here writing this today. Never could I have imagined that my own negative experiences would be used as a force for good!
I came to realise that in actual fact, my Asperger’s was a gift
Learning how to live abundantly with Asperger’s is something I continue to grapple with on a daily basis, and for good reason. Owning our conscious decisions takes determination, and following through with them takes grit.
If like me you choose to embrace Asperger’s as an exceptional part of who you are – then I salute you. Once you stop fighting it, only then can you move closer to the life of abundance you deserve.
Here, I discuss just some of the tools to help you live abundantly with Asperger’s – with no turning back!
Finding your heart space
Communication is key – we all know this. But when it comes to social interaction and recognising those social cues, a person with Asperger’s will likely find things difficult. While family allowed me to be my unfiltered self growing up (often with my foot in my mouth!), I didn’t know how to form bonds with people.
Friendships don’t come easy to someone with Asperger’s, as everything is systemised. This is the polar opposite of social interaction – something that is emotionally charged and often unpredictable. So, I went away and studied those shortfalls to enable me to operate socially.
When I find myself in these situations, I compare myself to the Vulcans – a whole nation of Asperger’s people! I ask myself: “what would Spock do (or Sheldon if Big Bang is more your bag)“?
For us, everything works in ones and zeros; when there is a disconnect, that system breaks down. While there is a science to social cues, it is also an artform – and thus it doesn’t move in ones and zeroes. So instead, it’s about understanding the dance of every social setting, and knowing when to make your move. This is a very conscious process, and not something that organically builds itself up over time.
Feelings aren’t logical things that fit inside neat boxes. There is no magical equation for an emotional response – it’s a primal thing. The social world is a combination of responses and reactions we all have to navigate
So how can someone with Asperger’s learn to form those bonds? The answer, quite simply, is to look inside your heart; keep it about what’s in your heart, and not in your head. I’m wired to view situations like a mathematical sequence – but I’m not going to get anywhere with this mentality when engaging in a social situation.
Making friends takes effort, as to do so, we must consciously connect from the heart. One advantage to forming those bonds from an Asperger’s point of view is that fake friends are few and far between! I can only be friends with those whom I’m able to have a heart-based connection. Maybe I will say something to make them uncomfortable, but they’re going to love me any way! While you may not have sealed those bonds just yet, friends do have the power to help you live abundantly with Asperger’s.
Living consciously
Think you’re living a conscious life? It may surprise you to hear that 95-97% of people are living ‘unconsciously’ – with the majority of our internal programming ‘learned’ by the time we’re seven years old! So how can you hope to live abundantly with Asperger’s, and consciously, I hear you ask?
Living a conscious life is, for us, actually easier than you may think. With so much of our daily routine already happening on a conscious level, we are presented with more familiar opportunities of interjecting our thoughts – often in order to put things right. In other words, it’s more feasible that I can be aware of my conscious actions.
When it comes to social exchanges, I can be more present in my conversations. I can ask myself: am I having this conversation with you from the heart – with love and compassion? I am intentional in what I want to gather from this conversation, and what I want to add? Living with Asperger’s affords us more opportunities to be presently aware as we move through our everyday processes.
For me, using my tools of mindfulness and consciousness can help me find my headspace.
When I’m interviewing people for example, there’s a conscious process behind sticking with my intention, and creating something wonderful with another person. While giving my mind a box to play in, I don’t have to overthink what I’m going to say as it’s coming from my heart space. I’m thinking about how to engage, but the communication itself is coming from elsewhere. I’m allowing the truth to flow from that place.
It’s worth noting, however, that just because the opportunity is there, doesn’t mean that we always listen; we can still be consciously unconscious! It’s only when we give these opportunities our attention that we can introduce an intentionality to our communication that is conscious with open arms.
Micro-shifting
As one of the most effective methods I encourage my students to embrace, micro-shifting not only makes good sense – it gets good results. But what is it exactly? In simple terms, micro-shifting is a consistent series of baby steps in the direction of a consciously chosen outcome. While some of us will take that quantum leap at some point in our lives, everyone can make baby steps – helping you to live abundantly with Asperger’s!
Micro-shifting is about moving past resistance and moving past fear (remember, it’s just baby steps)! As a result, procrastination dissipates and you can start to build momentum and find your rhythm. Micro-shifting helps you to banish anxious thoughts, honing your focus to simply put one foot in front of the other. Once having completed and celebrated that first step, the key is the willingness to go on.
In its purest form, it is a surrender-based process. You’re asking the universe to present what that next step is. Once presented, you ask yourself how you’re able to perform it in the smallest possible way.
As opposed to getting distracted by the ‘big goal’, it is knowing that other forces are indeed at work, and that the universe has got your back. Regardless of the outcome, even if it may look or feel like it’s going wrong, it is trusting that everything will be well – as you’re only being given what you can handle. You’ll then soon find yourself micro-shifting towards abundance!
Beyond Intentional Paradigm
The Beyond Intentional Paradigm was born as a result of my trying to understand things. As someone with Asperger’s, send me to a third-world country to help solve their debt crisis, and I will gladly go without a fuss! But if someone chose to change that plan at the last minute? Internalised chaos! Small things like missing a plane can be catastrophic to an Asperger’s mind. But then it’s learning to breath and return back to logical thought where you tell yourself: you can just catch the next plane. It’s not a big deal!
Finding the space to navigate life and the choices that evolve into the experiences we have is what this system does. It sets us free from the state that keeps us from what we want to achieve. Whether that may be within our emotional state, our vibrational frequency, or our thoughts and beliefs – those things that take us where we want to be are just a choice away.
The Beyond Intentional Paradigm empowers us to make that choice. Firstly, we set this intention so that our unconscious patterns are shifting. Next, we check in with our vibration; we ask ourselves, what’s my vibe? Crucially, it is our vibration that sets the landscape for what we can achieve. Then we must analyse our agreements; what do our deep-seated agreements about the framework of reality actually look like? Only then can we truly feel empowered to move forward.
But why the need for the ‘beyond’ label? By going beyond, we move past the need to change the program, because the program is already working for us. Our unconscious programs are serving us – so much so that I’m no longer required to intervene. I’m already enhancing the experiences I want, so that I may continue to live abundantly with Asperger’s.
If you enjoyed this, I produce regular Do It With Dan blogs, podcasts and videos. I have three books published now: Stepping Beyond Intention, The Dreamer’s Manifesto and From Time-to-Time (a really great book on time mastery). All of these are here to serve you and make you part of the journey as well.
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